It's just going to be a longer journey than you thought, that's all. Soberly watch the omens, make all the due sacrifices, know that you're paying debts incurred by the jealous spouse of God. Make mistakes: of course. But when the messenger speaks clearly, do what he says.
What else is there to say?
Well, this, of course. If you're not founding Rome all you're doing is ricocheting around the Mediterranean causing trouble. Do you know what Rome will be? Of course not. Then how do you know what the hell you're founding? You don't. (Okay. Class dismissed. That didn't take long.)
What we keep coming back to is that if we are to be something more than we are, we don't know ahead of time what we are becoming. We aspire to be better, but one of the things we aspire to be better at is knowing what "better" is. If we already knew, we'd be done.
There's this caul of falsehood over my face. The wrongness that comes between me and the world. The doctrine of original sin has been in great disfavor all my life: but it was a hell of a lot better than the doctrine of original worthlessness that has replaced it. If you're not uniquely worthwhile now, always already, you will never be worthwhile. You or anyone else. Asking the question creates the answer, and the answer will always be "no."
Bah. Enough of this. This is all trampled ground in late summer: the dust rises from our feet. Stop being stupid. Use the brains God gave you, boy.
The wind blowing snow off the mountain top; the little tarn, voices behind.
2 comments:
I don't know how to suggest you can go about accepting this, but your worth is entirely out of your hands, and is determined by others. You're in great shape.
That founding Rome thing, and pinging around the Med, yes! And even Rome: pick your founding.
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