Intimations

These last couple of weeks, happiness has been buzzing and tickling my ears like a horsefly. Brushing my face, distracting me, getting ready to bite.

"I'm not sure when I'll see you again, so I'll give you a hug," Jonquil announced, and her various packs swung alarmingly as she leaned over and hugged me. I hugged back, from my chair, and said "Love you. Take care, hon."

As my boss began to explain why she had scowled, as I came in late -- as it turns out, for reasons that had nothing to do with me -- I laid a hand briefly on her back. I was full of affection for her -- we go back a ways, now -- and I really didn't care why she had scowled.

As the pain and suffering comes into clearer and clearer focus, I become lighter and lighter. A breath of wind could float me away into the sky.

Thank you. Dear friends. It's worse, worse than you imagine in your darkest night-fears. The sorrow that everyone is carrying. And happiness keeps whining in my ears, and fluttering in my face.