Coming out of an extremely difficult time. When it's really difficult I don't write about it -- which is unfortunate, because it makes the written record sunnier than it should be. Practice is hard; carrying it is hard.

A kind of epiphany this morning, foreshadowed but clearer today than before -- the understanding that my difficulty in working while at work could be viewed -- should be viewed -- as a perfect, daily opportunity for practice. And that I can call on Sarah or Vajradhara to help me in it. Refuge isn't just a slogan or a party line. It really means I can turn to them for aid and comfort in my distress.

Martha and I went to Thrangu Rinpoche's weekend "seminar" last weekend, and received the Vajrasattva empowerment from him Tuesday night. I wish my visualizations were less ghostly and transient -- they're more vivid in my casual memory than they are when I'm having them, I find. There's a sort of knack I learned in stargazing of not trying to look directly at what I'm trying to see, because my peripheral vision is actually sharper, at least for things like dim stars. I suspect there's a similar knack to be learned in visualizations.