Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Closing Costs

We've accepted an offer on the house. Still contingent on inspection, and a month till closing; and I'm assured by everyone knowledgeable that plenty can go wrong in the interim. But I woke today with a load of anxiety off my chest. I rose light and gleaming and wise as a serpent.

We have barely had a summer here. What we have now is like lovely spring weather, but already the days are lengthening, and the word “autumnal” was the first one that occurred to me, when I tried to describe the quality of my happiness. But autumn has always been my favorite season, and summer my least favorite: I'm quite happy to elide this summer and go straight on into September.

We have been looking seriously at houses, all this while, so we have a good idea of the market, of what we want and what we can afford.

My main wish is simply to be done with it. I don't believe which house we live in is likely to have much to do with our happiness, in the end. I want to get back to my untroubled mornings, to focusing on writing and friends and massage: I dislike above all things “having too much to do.” It's debilitating frame of mind, struggling against time. Time always wins, after all.

Still, I have injured myself and my relations with Martha by never fully inhabiting our house, and I intend to do the next one differently, to give more of myself to it: to sink into being a householder without irony or restraint, to care about the paint on the windowsill and the hot water heater. There is something grounding and humbling about caring for a place, which is still there no matter which way the light slants. I don't think I need to worry about getting too caught in the quotidian. Not my weakness.


rbarenblat said...

The last paragraph of this post particularly resonates for me. It reminds me of some of my own struggles right now. Much to think about.

I'm glad for you that the house has sold, pending all of the various whatnots involved. And glad for you that autumn is on its way.

Anne said...

I hope you won't be too hard on yourself. Love your new house a little but not too much. Enjoy nice hot showers and don't fret about windowsills.

Moving and getting used to a new place can be hard. I think it takes at least 6 months to get over the insult to the nervous system.

Robin said...

A very insightful post. Autumnal happiness and time and all of it. Lovely.

Jean said...

Oh, good news! Even if it falls through, if you got one offer quite quickly you would probably get another.

I can only imagine how deeply unsettling this must all be when you've lived in the same house for so long and brought up your kids there. Keep taking good care of yourselves and each other.

alembic said...

Glad to hear the good news. I know how unsettling it can be all of it, the dislocations in space and the "too much to do" that nibbles away at time. Enjoy the new house, but like Anne said, don't be too hard on yourself over it.

JMartin said...

Such (shush, ixnay on the inxjay) good news! Fingers crossed until the final signature, and soft landing in new digs. Wishing you glossy fresh oil-based paint on new windsills.

marly youmans said...

Mole always needs a burrow! I hope you and Martha find a good new nest that pleases you both, and that the sale and buy go well.

(Don't forget Marly's house rules: Never sell to or buy from a lawyer, particularly a crazy one. Never sell to or buy from a realtor. Both of those were hard earned and learned rules. Ouch!)

Autumn is pleasant but I always fear it now that I live in the upstate of New York because snow starts in October. Too long, winters here. Enjoy yours.

Dale said...

@Rachel, we've covered a lot of the same territory in our wanderings, I think.

@Anne, thanks! I'm always astonished by your annual migrations and travels. I could not bear half so much.

@Robin, thank you! & It's so lovely to see you here.

@Jean, thanks: you know how stodgy and stay-at-home we are. A friend of mine responded to the news by saying, "oh how exciting!" and I was downright startled. Different ways of being in the world!

@Maria, thanks :-)

@Julie, oil-based, exactly :-)

@Marly, they're an adorable young pair of techies with an adorable baby. Not a lawyer or real estate agent in sight :-)