Too Much Alone

Britt Hartley seems to have gone before me, as far as… I think people are just making things up. Even the process theology people. There are some reasons – not to me completely compelling, tho interesting – to believe in the One. Intimations of order. But if anything is clear about ecstatic mystical experience, it’s that it does not deliver consistent verifiable conceptual information about… anything. That’s not what it’s for. So we’re not going to get a program of action and a schema of the world to navigate by, no matter how vividly we see God. We might come to a wiser appreciation of what part programs and schemas ought to play in our life. But that’s rather different.

And the religious project generally is an imperial project, meant to constrain the future to a repetition of the past. Much of that is just necessary to the maintenance of a community. But it is the opposite of what I’m looking for. I want to the step over a threshold into a new place. On the other hand – that’s the third hand, now – I want company. I need company. This is not something that it is really possible to do alone. Not ultimately. A person alone is not really real.

And I am too much alone, these days. You know, that is the real problem. It’s a simple problem, though its solution may be complex. I am too much alone.