The sense that I am squandering is heavy on me.
Immediately problematic to put it that way -- as wasting time: it is not possible to waste time. We all of us have all the time there is. To speak of "wasting time" is to take a ridiculous view, in which I possess a dwindling collection of packets of time that I can deal out to various enterprises. That is not what time is like, and only a rigorously trained stupidity can take it to be like that.
No, the problem is nothing like an improper allocation of time-resources. The problem is that I am facing into a corner, and wondering why the world is so small. The solution is not to try to push the walls out. The solution is to turn around.
The solution is to turn around.
I am old and tired and worried, but that's only to be expected of someone who stands in a corner gazing at the walls all day. What else would I be?
3 comments:
I worry about squandering time.
And so I divide my time into two buckets: time spent doing things that are meaningful to me and time faffing about. I acknowledge that faffing about, lying fallow, idling, watching stupid streaming shows… this things recharge me to do the other, meaningful things.
Honestly, it makes NO sense. But that's how I think about it.
Your post reminds me of the book, The Untethered Soul. It might give you a different perspective. I don't remember how to pronounce my Chinese name, although I did write it out on a picture on my wall, many, many years ago.
I can't count the number of rigorously trained stupidities I still practice. I can't count them because the ones I know I practice, though numerous, are probably a lot fewer than the ones I don't know I practice. I'm civilized!
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