Wednesday, July 16, 2003

"Train wholeheartedly"

-- one of the Tong Len aphorisms. Thinking about it a couple days ago, I realized that I have never trained wholeheartedly. The Dharma has always been "plan B" -- if not "plan C" -- a backup strategy in case my other strategies for obtaining clarity and peace of mind didn't pan out. It's been very fruitful -- and, surprisingly, not threatening -- to start wrap my mind around the concept of practicing wholeheartedly. Making this my main strategy, rather than a backup.

And I'm noticing how my other strategies -- besides abjectly failing most of the time -- kick up turbulence in my mind, waves of anxiety and impatience. Even when they're seeming successful. In fact, especially when they're seeming successful.

Reading Demian, and in my mind the Nietzschean emphasis on strength has merged, with strange ease, into the "divine pride" of being Vajradhara. All day I've been feeling an unusual strength, an ability to shrug off the "slave mentality" whenever it arises, and I'm walking lightly, purposefully, energetically.

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